here I go again... :(

I used the same title in the F&Bblog (not 'food and beverage')... and it's so apt for today.

I leave for Singapore tonight.

Same old. All over again. Only this time, I am going to college. University. Nanyang Technological University. Wow. I can barely absorb all of it. A mixture of feelings really - all mixed up - apprehension, anxiety, curiosity, eagerness to start something new, wonder, fear, excitement? - CHANGE.

Change. The one thing I am just not good at. Ah, I guess I can do it all again. The novelty of it all has worn out, I guess. Practise in this case, just doesn't make perfect. It's the same old thing - over and over. Hehe, maybe the experience helps cope better. Really don't feel like leaving home after 8 months of being here - lazing around and doing nothing much. Singaporean stress and the picture those words paint in my head does not provide for something to look forward to.

I am glad to have a friend with me to travel with. My new roomie - in a new "hall of residence" (hostel) with new friends and new teachers or professors in a new scene. Ah... Blehh. That's sums up how I feel. Really... It's not the homesickness - or the missing people at home part - it's the whole "new scene" and "unfamiliarity" that's making me feel nervous.

However, this is a new start - new opportunities, new people, new everything. All this calls for a new outlook - a positive one.

And so...

I have packed my bags.

(I do not feel as confident or happy as I would like to. )

and I will go ...

Most importantly - I will make the most it.

My advice (to myself) for the week/month even year

Do NOT

• Worry
• Anticipate
• Procrastinate.

And take it as it comes.

I heard a song yesterday - "The Best Days" by Graham Colton, and it helped. :) And so I will sign off, from my last post in India (till next time I am home :P), with the words of this song.

I count the steps the distance to

The time when it was me and you is so far gone
Another face another friend
Another place another end but I'll hang on

It's a winding road
It's a long way home

So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late
Cuz these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Yeah let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives.

To opportunites and the courage to go for it and believe in oneself. For "it is only when you are tested that you discover who you are - and it's only when you're tested than you discover who you can be."

~7~

PS. Dear Me, Go ahead, fall down. The world looks different from the ground.

PSS. You have your angels. :)

and another day...

Ah. Life.
There's really nothing much to do these days, and nothing much to write about either, hence, the lack of posts. So, while I still have nothing very interesting to blog about, I'm here for an update.

My latest project - The Fatty and Bimbo blog! for me and Shas to keep in touch with each other. So far so good, I hope it keeps going. It's private now, but I hope to open it up one day, when we have more mature and worldly things to write about. For now, it's just a platform for us to talk and keep in touch, and I doubt anyone else will get anything that's in there. hehehe... :)

Everyone's back in college. It's nice to hear about how fun it is, and I guess I should be all excited at the prospect of being in that world again - but I'm not. I don't even know why. I'm just looking forward to having something to do - but that's about it. No excitement for the new place (it isn't technically), new college, new friends etcetcetc - sigh! Maybe I'll feel better, once I am there. Like Shas said, and this is the only explanation I have - I've done it all before... I just have to do it all again. So I guess the novelty of it all, has worn out already. It'll be amusing to meet the other freshmen though, all excited and happy and eveything. Gosh... I'm hoping I don't shy away from it all - socialising and big groups, somehow, just aren't one of those things I have a knack for.

It's good to know so many familiar faces will be around - different courses, but I am hoping we get to meet every now and then, in spite of the general Singapore trend of taking a toll on your time and social life. heheh... I will miss the others at NUS though. :( Hopefully, we'll get to meet up too.

I've cut my fingers. Yea, on the stupid lens container! So much for a trial! and now, I can hardly use my hands! (I am typing with great difficult here!) I'm still sick, I'm still taking a dozen pills or more a day and I'm bored to death. Everyone else has something to do ... so I just sit around and sulk, when there's nothing on TV (yea, I'm watching TV now! o_O) and I'm sick of facebook. It's the one thing that makes me look forward to leaving for college - the prospect of having something - anything! - to do! hehe... :)

The weather is weird. Pleasant, but depressing at the same time. I want the SUN! I love the SUN! I miss the SUN!
I'm wearing lenses now. Still getting used to them, though this is soooo much easier than the semi-soft pair I used to have, once upon a time. Ooooh! and I got RAY-BANS! :D :D :D

The only other highlight of the day - OWEN takes on the No. 7 jersey for United. *woohoo*
Now I only need someone to help me get the old name off my jersey! *prays it's possible* :) (Or maybe I won't, since the new jersey is out (and it sucks) )

Glory Glory! I can't wait for season to start. I'm hoping I have good company to watch matches with. *prays again*

Cheers.
~7~

love is standing by.

It's always hard to say 'bye'. I figured I'd be used to it by now given the number of times I've had to leave and say bye. It's always been me. Somehow, it's still always hard. It's just never gets easier.

Today, I had to say bye to my friend, my "sistah", who was going away to college. Sure, I've gone away so many times, it's just harder to watch someone go and stay behind. :( I guess I should think about how I'm leaving for college in about a month's time... and how I'm pretty sure we're not going to drift apart as easily as most people do... (I'd like to think we're closer than that...) :)

I hope everything goes well for her. I hope her experiences make her and re-inforce the amazing person she is. I hope she becomes who she wants to, and remembers who she is at the same time. I hope she learns, experiences and loves.

I miss her.
Most importantly though, I will be there, nomatter what. :)

Dear Shas, this is for you.

If there's a time when the fears should fill your eyes,
And you can't see past the shadows, to the sun on the other side.
Don't despair ... Don't lose faith.
You'll never stand alone, I'll be standing by.
I'll keep you from the cold, I'll hold you when you cry.
I'll be there to be strong, when you can't find the strength inside.
You'll never stand alone,
Love is standing by.
You'll never stand alone.
I'll be standing by.

(copied from Whitney Houston song : "You'll Never Stand Alone")

Cheers! Have an amazing time. Missing you loads.
Love.
~7~

MUMBAI Meri Jaan!

I'm back! :)

All this travelling is exhausting, but I just had one amazing week and this week was all about PEOPLE. I met new people, I saw people, I talked to new people, I was with people 24x7, and just being with so many people taught me a whole lot. :)

Looking out of the window nearest to my seat, as the aircraft landed, I saw a breathtaking sight indeed. This was a different kind of "breathtaking"... No, I didn't just see the huge posh looking airport, like in Singapore, but I saw the slums just next to it, looking like that was exactly where they belonged, not even a little out of place, against the lights and affluence that the airport projected. This very contrast in my first sight of the Mumbai landscape, is what epitomised the city.

Mumbai. Crowded. The first thing I thought, as me and my friend (and her friend )sped through Andheri from Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport (CSIA), Santa Cruz toward Pawai, in an autorickshaw (three-wheeler). I was in for a rollercoaster ride the upcoming week, and I was looking forward to it.

Little did I know, that the "local trains" were the local substitute for "rollercoaster" in Mumbai! Gosh, what a ride! The anxiety I went through every morning and every evening as I literally launched myself in and out of the second class ladies compartment of a CST or Thane bound train, in time, on the right side, in the right station(!) - was something I needed to conquer every day! The crowds during rush hour, make you wonder, every single time, when SO many people got to get in at each station and how they manage to do the very same thing every single day.

Mumbai is constantly moving. There is no time, there is no space and there is definitely no way you can sit and complain without having to hear atleast a 100 Marathi /Hindi/multilingual complaints hit you right back. The trains, for me, were an experience of a lifetime. I saw emotions ranging from happiness and wonder to anger, irritation, exhaustion and most commonly frustration on every face. Every day. I saw little children try and earn their daily bread by selling us everything from flowers to clips and earrings to plastic phone-holders for the upcoming rainy days. I saw fights and brawls, insults being thrown around and women stooping to levels I thought were unimaginable! I saw people struggle to find a place to stand. I saw life.

Friends. What my trip was really about. Meeting old friends, some after 6 or 7 years. All of us at a different stage of life altogether. All of us, still the same, yet different in many ways. All of us, who had seen each other and been each other's friends at a time - when life was about cheetos and tazos, basketball matches, football in the rain, exam-papers and percentages, rain dances and jam sessions at the club, tennis matches and coaches, dodge ball and french cricket on a basketball court, girls and boys, best friends and birthday parties... when life was simpler and more carefree, where adolescence, "that awkward stage" and hormones were the excuse for almost anything our parents didn't get about us... when boyfriends or girlfriends were the ultimate sin and having one meant ditching your real friends! Gosh, how time flies!

It was almost unreal as we introduced our respective "others" to each other. We remembered and laughed our asses off and took off from where we'd left, like it was only yesterday that we'd said "keep in touch, will miss you... hope to see you soon." We remembered the first crushes, our first heartbreaks, our conspiracies and adventures, our groups and gangs and "hangouts" or HAUNTS (more apt, in a way). We remembered prank calls and "masti", holi and diwali, fights and tantrums, crying sessions and make-ups. We remembered cycling around, sleepovers and tennis in the rain. We remembered our teachers, our school, our classes, our weird games during recess, the things we said and things we didn't... and we relived it all over again.

We all have our own lives, our own friends, our own worlds now. Yet, tomorrow, I know, when we meet again, and I do hope that's soon, we'll catch up as if it was all just yesterday and time had hardly passed.

I made new friends and met old ones. I saw the Gateway of India and Taj. I watched people do "people- things" all around me. I sat by myself and with so many friends. I sat on Marine Drive and wished time would stop. I stood on Marine Drive too, because it was too hot to sit! I bowled and lost miserably. I got caught in the rain, in traffic and in a crowded train in peak hours. I hugged my old friends and rekindled memories I didn't know I had. I shopped on Causeway, bought peanuts and ate at McDonalds. I missed home, I felt like home. I ate like crazy. I celebrated a birthday, loved a family, and missed them too. I saw Leos! got ditched. and took pictures and went crazy. I laughed my ass off. I learnt to use the most famous (infamous?) local train system in India (Asia? the world?). I learnt to be by myself and travel in Mumbai! I learnt that some bonds last a life time, and some just a season, but memories last forever. No matter what. :)

I laughed, I cried, I loved.
I miss you all. Hope to be back soon.
<3

~7~

anywhere i roam...

I've been travelling continuously for the last month.
Singapore. India. Delhi. Assam. Delhi. Kochi.
Next stop. MUMBAI!
I leave for Singapore soon after.

"I'M LOVING IT!" Travelling. The one thing I always wanted to do. Be "on the road"... Look. See. Experience.

My holiday so far has been filled with all that in small doses.

Singapore involved university visits and aptitude tests followed by interviews. Meeting old friends, remembering.

Assam. My cousins and my grandparents. Home away from home. Had fun, met new people, made new friends. Read a lot. Watched tons of movies. ATE. and did a lot of thinking. Uni results in between all this.

Home now for a couple of days. Finishing off whatever application stuff I can. I leave for Mumbai tomorrow. I'm tired, but I'm ready for a whole new experience. I was born there. Meeting old friends. Memories. and so...

Next stop. Mumbai.
~7~

Ugh.

Applying to college is such a drag. I'm beginning to hate this phase (and I do hope it's a short one) with a passion. :(

Everything seems to be so uninspired and dead.
My blogging is starting to suck. I log on everyday and I have nothing to write except the constant ranting that's going on inside my head.
My academic pursuits have reached a dead-end and the pressure from everywhere else is so not helping my case right now.
The standard response that my brain comes up with for everything is "Ugh".

Does this really have to be the ONLY thing that ever matters? C'mon, please tell me life is more than this... I really need to know that. Ugh.
~7~

playing games.

After Obama, the hope for new, young, inspiring and NON-CORRUPT leaders in India seems to have been revived, MOMENTARILY. Voting this year, for me, was a matter of pride as I now can actually relate to the UAF section of my Class 9 Civics textbook. The inkblot however, persists and doesn't seem to be leaving my forefinger anytime soon.

It's passion, commitment and responsibility that makes a leader stand out. Now my foreign counterparts must be wondering what I am talking about... but in my country, and it's rather a shame, we still hope to have those qualities somewhere in our leaders. A good education and clean record ie no criminal offences are what we hope for and yet we still vote in the same leaders that disrupt our daily life and misuse their power. Where are the values of SERVICE in Indian politics?

It's almost disgusting to watch.

Priyanka Gandhi however, has my respect. We need more people like her around.
~7~